Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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