Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
