i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize