Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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