I will die if light touches me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
