Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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