It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
