I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
