So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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