A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
