we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
