Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
