I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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