I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
