Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
