im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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