nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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