We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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