he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
