now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
