I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
