He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
