You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
