you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize