At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize