I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Enjoy the penises
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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