dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
