That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
