I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
