her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
