my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
