Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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