Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize