What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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