don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
MIDGETS
????
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
