im gay
i know
yea but for you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize