bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
