my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
