Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So. Much. Porn.
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