I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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