Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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