The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She needs sedatives and a leash
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
