Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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