listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm having to shit out rocks
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
