She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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