I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
