What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The power of my boobs compel you
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