I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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