she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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