Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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