I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
