She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
