We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize