I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
