2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
