a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
