You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
