I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
