I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
