Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
