My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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