And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
