the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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