THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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