idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
