so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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