One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
