he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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