apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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