he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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