Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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