Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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