I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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