I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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