Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
