I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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