JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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